I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
do nipples grow back?
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