Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize