All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
