Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
