Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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