It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
