One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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