Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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