Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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