i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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