Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
