haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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