This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
