I understand Curling. That high.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
