Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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