Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
