we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
