I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
