im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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