Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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