It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
