i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
