just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
