So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
