I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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