eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
