so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
