I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
pop tarts are not kleenex
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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