I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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