I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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