I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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