my shit smells like andre
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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