Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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