I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize