I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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