pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
