she looked like the before picture.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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