Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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