Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My bed smells like the plague
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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