I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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