There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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