I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
