i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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