my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize