Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
