he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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