I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
