Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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