Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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