Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
high people should be assigned attendants
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
