I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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