i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
