just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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