THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
