My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
