I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
