It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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