the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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