Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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