Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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