So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
