Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
