I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize