birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize