I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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