Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
