then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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