he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize