Porn is love you can see.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
