i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
