She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
