honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
