I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
