You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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