In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
