____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
