I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
