The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
