Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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