This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
