Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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