i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Randomize
