last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
