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You're my little dorito
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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