atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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