Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
