I will die if light touches me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
