I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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