My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
