we have officially lost it.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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