when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
