I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
