The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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