The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
