Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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