im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You've changed since you got that strap on
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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