He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
